Dear Baby Jesus
Dear 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you Jésus…
I wish to thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, cats, Stryper, and Frost, or Bean, as we call him.
And of course my red hot smokin’ wife, Heather, who is a stone cold fox (Nayla: MMMMM!),
who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 194.
I also want to thank you for my best pet bird and teammate, Nayla, Who’s got my back no matter what (Nayla: Shake and Bake)
Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also like to thank you for my wife’s Mother Vicky, we hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal her hand.
Dear Tiny, Infant, Jesus…
Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I’m sayin’ grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.
Dear Tiny Jesus, in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, little fat balled up fists
Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I “win the races” and I get the money!
Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent.
We’d just like to thank you for all the races I’ve won and the $21.2 million, LOVE THAT MONEY! That I have accrued over this past season.
Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention PowerAde at each grace, I just wanna say that PowerAde is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day and we look forward to PowerAde’s release of mystic mountain blueberry.
Thank you, for all your power and your grace, Dear Baby God, Amen
Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your…your little ghost manger, lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental…videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors…
Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon’ get bumpy!
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